Feeling in a rut with your partner(s)? One of the best ways to get the juices flowing again is talking about the best sex that you all have ever had together.
Flip through your memories and zero in on one time that really blew the others out of the water. When was it? What were you doing? What were the sensations? Was is slow? Fast? What did it feel like?
Take some time and tell each other about this one time. You can use this as a way to rev up the engines and jump right in, or as a way to plan for the future. Either way, I think you all will enjoy it.
One of the first books I ever read on my journey to becoming a certified Sex Therapist was Emily Nagoski’s book, “Come As You Are.” I could not wrap my head around how powerful the information was in it. Her main message in the book centers around the topic of “Arousal Nonconcordance.” Arousal nonconcordance is the phenomenon of a lack of overlap between how much blood is flowing to a person’s genitals and how “turned on” they feel. The details are complex, but here is the quick and dirty:
There’s about a 50% overlap between how much blood flows to a male’s genital response and how “turned on” he feels — his “subjective arousal;” and there’s about 10% overlap for women’s genital response and subjective arousal.
Genital response isn’t “desire.” Desire is when you’re actively motivated to move toward something.
So if you ever find yourself feeling aroused at stories of sexual abuse, don’t fret. It doesn’t mean you have a secret kink or repressed emotions. It just means you read something that was sexually relevant. .
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